A poet through open doors

Lament of a Landscape

I walked with you in a landscape

The sky was black and you didn’t notice

Being young

Remember finding crawfish on the golf course

Remember walking slow,

Walking fast

Do you remember when walking

Was the hardest task

I walked with you in a garden

It was beautiful

And we ate plums

When other fruits were soured

And we would plant the seeds

And count the flowers

And we would never look over the fence

Only for turtles and the snakes

and the hidden places they went

Your smile would light my day

And calm the storm

I promised I’d keep you safe

And free from harm

And now you run on cliffs,

I have since lost my step

And I can barely throw rocks to a mocking tide

Or fathom where your journey went

I stand on a crossroad

Watching the flowers unkempt

And the plums never sweeten enough

Time insists it will give you back

But time I will never trust

So I stand across this landscape

The sky was once so blue

Can’t we lay in the grass for a while

And talk about the stars

And the sky

I promised I’d  keep you safe

I promised I wouldn’t cause harm

But I can’t reach your precarious perch

Or fathom where you are…. 

On Dying and Nature

We keep the body in a steel box

Keep it safe

Hanging on to its limbs

As the universe sighs

Keep our fingers in the soil

And the doves are the only things that fly

We keep ourselves

Clinging to the rotting ground

What a sad way to die…

Instead the cocoon

Its skin releases the beautiful wings

No stone to keep a place

We have stars and beautiful things

The universe breathes deep

Keeps us

Open and alive

Leave the weight of flesh and bone

Behind

The vice of science

Insists

That the heart must keep its time

And the universe replies

Out across the distance of everlasting sky

Leave the ash and all the weight of the body

Behind

Peace, freedom out through an open violent sky

What a beautiful

Sacred way to die.

Finding Walden

It exists out there, behind a thin veil

That keeps us

Wasting, hours and days

All of our passions bartered and given away

It waits out there beyond that pale white sky

I could go today

If not for the attachments

Like wires in the hospital room

Keeping time with a dying heart

Doesn’t need to be too fast or too far

Outside

Across that thin skin that keeps us

Living day to day

Escape

No ransom, no attachments

Flying across the sky

With no need to settle down

Sad, the stubborn solid ground

That calls me even while I rise

Insists on predicting my demise

But the white sky hides

A life I always dreamed was mine

I will find it, I have found it

All a matter of time…

Conception

You were beautiful in there,

A beauty with such great fragility

It made all of our grand structures

Seem dull and Pointless

You moved in there

We had our cameras watching your every move

We decided if you were even alive

Or if you were anything more than a piece of clay

A raw spark that we could keep, discard or give away

Time and our useless rationalizations meant nothing to you

In there

That small space that was shrinking every second as you filled it

The tiniest fingers

The closed perfect eyes

Fighting for your life

No room for doubt, no malice nor forgiveness

Life without compromise

A space in that room

Where you wouldn’t remember

Not until we told you

How you kicked and how you fought

And how stubborn and insistent

You were…being born.

A New Series: Depression, in layperson terms

Depression: The emotional storm

This is something I've been intending to write for a long time and unfortunately I have a lot of experience on the subject. Depression is prevalent in our society and it seems like it is growing, more people are on some sort of anti-depressant than not. That's what it seems like to me.

I want to first say I have no medical experience, the techniques that I share have only made my experience a little more bearable. I do have a thought on why it seems more popular these days as well besides the fact that it is talked about more than it used to be.

The first thing people say when you mention depression is "oh, I get sad too sometimes" that is the first statement that tells me I need to end the conversation. For me, it has little to do with sadness although sadness is often an after-effect of depression.

It's the feeling of absence. The scariest part is when you are in a place where you should be happy and be enjoying yourself and you still feel nothing, this is when it really feels hopeless.

The sadness come when you don''t feel like it will ever end. It's hard to be around other people because you can't interact in a normal manor. You are distant and unaffected and the hardest thing is to just keep that feeling to yourself.

So how does one go about making that feeling a bit less uncomfortable? I have decided to make a list and with this list I will expand upon each aspect and eventually release a book on the subject.

1.Whatever your first instinct is, do the opposite: My biggest rule is if you are in the midst of depression, do anything but what you feel like doing. Usually you want to isolate yourself, sleep more, watch depressing movies or just avoid interaction. My suggestion would be to do the opposite of what your first instinct is. So many times when I was in college my room mate talked me into going out swimming, the last thing I would have preferred doing and I always thanked him afterwards.

2. Exercise: Expanding on the recent idea, swim, run, dance, do something active. I have recently realized the change after starting to work out on a regular basis. The body releases endorphins and you will greatly appreciate the effect you can get from working out. It is a temporary fix but the chemistry in your body changes on a regular basis and I have felt a definite change just from taking up a regular regiment of working out.

3. Don't Drink: The same feeling will be there after you drink only now you will be more confused, more guilty and definitely more depressed. Alcohol is a depressant-the last thing you want to do and again often your first instinct.

4. Talk, to Someone you Trust: As Shrek would say, better out than in, thoughts, ideas, feelings, hurt; they are all active in the brain, ignoring them won't make them go away, it only makes them more confusing. If you avoid reacting the way the body and mind would instinctually react than your brain and body will react in an abnormal way-to me this is where anxiety becomes present.

5. Medication: After thirty plus years of dealing with depression on a monthly or yearly basis I finally realized it was too exhausting to ignore it any longer. Paxil made life so much better. It changed the way my brain processed, I am very fond of Serotonin and in recent years have discovered the benefits of dopamine. It is a medical condition, just like cancer, a broken arm, it is not just something to deal with and it doesn't make you crazy or weak, be honest when you are unable to handle it yourself, there is help available.

6. Chocolate: There are chemicals in chocolate that have actually been proven to help with the symptoms of depression. Call it an aspirin, I'm not saying you are going to be cured, or even feel much better, but it does take the edge off.

7. Spirituality: It is an amazing force of nature. Prayer does do amazing things and having a power bigger than yourself is very comforting in the midst of feeling hopeless. I have experienced many miraculous things that have only strengthened my faith.

8. Counseling: A good counselor can really help you sort things out, just remember you must be part of the solution.  No one can give you the answers, they can only allow you to work through situations and find your own clarity.

I hope this was helpful or insightful for others that may be struggling through depression. Remember one thing, there is hope and there are lots of resources to  help you get through your situation. You are not alone. I will have several more posts on this subject, let me know if anything resonated.

Why kids shouldn't get everything they want for Christmas