Living with Awareness of the Soul

There is something about feeling that which is not physically there. I have always described my faith as something like being haunted; you can only explain the presence of a ghost or an entity if you have felt one. You can explain all of the feelings away with logic but it’s the strong feeling you have that can not be deciphered with logic.

It’s the shiver down the spine, the feeling of a presence that you can’t deny, it’s having an amazing full feeling in the middle of tragedy and crisis, this is where I found the God I believe in today.

I have concluded that there is a God I learned about as a child, a distant entity that was always there but demanded prayer and penance. I went through the ritual of Catholicism, wondered where the bells were that rang when the chalice was lifted. I never felt his presence like I have, as I’ve gotten older and more aware.

The darkest times are the clearest for me. I am starting a series on this, I am not trying to convince non-believers nor convert anyone-it is just my experience which you as the reader can take any way you want much like the artwork I create, you draw your own conclusions.

I will briefly explain the points in my life that I will expand upon with upcoming posts about this subject. Living, as a soul as I describe in the title is a beautiful thing, it’s a matter of feeling, of being aware of all that surrounds you without fully being able to explain or describe it, it is the essence of the creative mind.

My strongest point, where I felt not only interested in going to church but also compelled to attend with more vigor than previously. My young son was sick, an intestinal interception, he was just 2 and we were about to have surgery. His little hands reached over the doctors back as they walked him off to that scary place he would have to experience alone.

I prayed, yes for a purpose and you can even explain everything with the idea of a need and if it turned out another way, perhaps my faith would have turned to anger and mistrust. Again, it’s the feeling, it’s a feeling of being in church and having the sermon speak directly to your experience, it is the feeling of being nourished and filled by the sound of the word. It is an awesome feeling and the only way I was able to have peace in such a trying time.

The next was a blood infection several months later. He was on my lap as we were waiting for the doctor to put an IV in his arm, he was scared, and I was terrified. They were bring the pappoose a medieval contraption, I prayed for  peace and to help get me through and we were both literally raised from the place we were-I felt a presence of calm and peace, much like a bubble of calm which I have heard other family members describe.

Another time was when I went to a counselor for the first time, this is a long story but the counselor felt it pertinent to speak with me about her and her daughter’s story of God and how he intervened in her illness. Again it’s that feeling of being in a bubble, someone in the room wanting me, needing me to hear what was being said. The next day I experienced having to go to the hospital for my wife’s’ ovary bursting, if it weren’t for the conversation with the counselor specifically about illness and faith I would never have been able to get through the process of helplessness and fear of my wife having something life threatening.

The last two examples are even greater proofs for me. I had the most amazing Thanksgiving I have ever had, happy, full, content the day after a loved one almost died and still was in the hospital in the throws of illness-I had a wonderful Thanksgiving-that is quite a miracle.

The second instance was when I was having a major surgery and had lots of doubts and questions to fix sleep apnea. A freelance artist was in our office for three days, she said she never understood why she was even there because it wasn’t her forte the work she was doing. We spoke about a surgery she had, she eased my mind, we spoke about God and her faith and she shared that she than understood the reason she had been brought there-the next day she was gone and I’ve never seen her since. I did have the surgery and it was a great success.

All of these can be explained away, I understand that. Again it’s the feeling, the chill up and down the spine, the emotion from a sunset or an afternoon rain, it’s the intangible and the strong feelings they evoke, this is living as a soul. I promise the other posts will be much shorter.