Tuesday, January 2, 2018

Finding God: The Intangible Essence of Faith

I climbed a mountain with an intense need for peace
I was tired, weak in need of rest and rehab
but the devil followed me
mocked every step I took
questioned every flower
and every new shoot
found myself looking through a lens
doubt colored every shadowed form
instead of calm I found questions
I became addicted to knowing
God insisted
trust me and you will see
the whole valley
given up 
but I questioned my path
and I questioned my abilities
even while all the gifts
lay out before me like paradise
I was in need
of something, something that offered
any remnant of calm
I climbed a mountain seeking peace

You will find God in silence, or it would be more correct to say you will reailize God in silence. Earth is loud, we as spiritual beings are constantly fighting to hear silence and know nature while the world and all its distractions fight for our attention.

Add electronic devices that capture our attention and visual interest and God blends into the background. I have recently learned to turn off the radio and intentionally enjoy silence and even than thoughts and ideas scream to be heard. 

When you are trying not to be distracted the distractions get more loud and you start to realize the battle we as spiritual beings fight on a daily basis.

Just like Peace, God is very subtle and intangible, it's very easy to ignore the God winks and stumble right through the miracles that happen every day with little wisdom gained from each experience. 

We need to learn to find God-he is always there-it is our physical selves that easily get distracted. The more you seek him, the stronger his presence becomes and the more regular miracles become. Be still and know he is there.

Let me know where you've found him and what experience and wisdom manifested in the experience.

God is the awe we feel when the sun rises or sets
That moment when a life begins or ends
a silence we are not often comfortable with
we are clumsy earthly beings
God is but a whisper
on a spring day
a subtle fragrance
we imbibe
and always crave
once we know him
we are changed...

Monday, December 11, 2017

Another Same Day: A Pattern of Gray

A day, you wake and immerse, the same day
drowning in a soft faded
of gray
Awareness of a feeling that had touched
so lightly
on gentle wings
insists the day
that beast in various forms
sits across the table
the day before
as hours meld to days
days to weeks
a dispassionate gray
that sips on all your energy
insists there is no other way
we craft words
to describe
and images to bring to life
this explanation
that has no form
only that it becomes
and we
are nothing more
feathers on some poisoned sea
drifting out the grappling tide
all the swollen feelings
kept uncomfortably inside
while the day breaks
it felt so good once
to feel awake
for just one month
or even a day
before we submerge
in a soft and violent
shade of gray...

Sunday, October 29, 2017

Know Your Enemy

Hatred, racism and bigotry; unfortunate aspects of the human condition, are sadly feed by the same lack of knowledge and perpetuation of ignorance. The very word bigot is ascribed to those who do not value others opinions and yet the same voices that cry bigotry are the best examples of it.

It is no accident that the country is divided, the powers that be need the division. The ignorance of history and the lack of knowledge of our ancestors have caused a hysteric destruction of any remnant of our past.

Pasts are being tainted, rewritten with only the points that support the agenda of division being included. A student of life needs to ignore the voices of curriculums based on political correctness and division and look deeper into our pasts, learn true unabridged histories before they are removed from the record.

People are complex, the same saints of our past were as flawed as we are today. The same people that decry certain aspects of history are the same that would shut down any thought of changing the status quo.

Sadly, the status quo at one time was slavery and suffragette, it took courage to defeat these ideas and change our country for the better. The same voices that disagreed back then, were shut down by the same kind of people that limit free speech today.

We as Americans need to realize the true enemies that divide us. Those people who act like they care about our best interests are the same that would erase our history, fill our present with fear and hopelessness and offer a future that is contingent on their success.

Racism and hatred will never be eliminated but it has become less of a force in our society. There is desperation to show its ugliness at every turn, attaching it to everything from simple disagreements to the assumed intentions of public officials.

I believe prejudice will become a dark memory on our past only when we stop calling out the woman CEO or the black actor, maybe if we started to see each other as people first and than Americans, prejudice and bigotry might seem a bit more foreign.

The sad thing is the agenda is an active project, not with good intentions for the victims, instead a job for the leaders that cry racism and sexism inconsistently and only when it suits the narrative they perpetuate.

We need to start to talking to each other, leaving the media and the government out, we as Americans discovering ourselves, learning about our history, embracing our gifts and realizing our weaknesses so we never slip back into the negative aspects of being flawed humans.

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

The Lemonade Stand: Please Stand By We Got This!!!

Making lemonade has gotten to be very expensive in the last few decades. The government got involved to make sure every one has lemonade as lemonade is a right that everyone should have.

Of course the government has their own lemonade grove where the lemons are all perfect and just the right level of sweet and tart, they even boast extra Vitamin C. This grove is paid for with the taxes and of course is not available to the taxpayer.

Most of the taxpayers were once able to go down to the local lemonade stand and get their lemons but not all people had access to the stand. The government has fixed this by tearing down all the lemonade stands, taxing the lemons, taxing the water and making people who pay taxes pay a fine if they don't buy the lemonade.

Those who can't afford the lemonade will be provided glasses of lemonade and the taxpayers will need to help pay for that as the government doesn't make its own profit.

Lemons have become outrageous in price, the people that used to be able to afford lemonade can't afford it now but the ones who couldn't afford it before now have minimal amount of lemons available from the spoiled lemons the government discards but they insist on keeping what spoiled lemons they have.

Now we wait for the government to get back to work to figure out how they can make lemons available to everyone. They will be on break for the summer in the lemon grove, unfortunately taxes will need to be raised as they will be dining on only the best lemons.

I know they'll get it right in the winter, long after no one even cares or thinks about lemonade and no lemonades last through the first frost.

Sunday, July 16, 2017

Feeding the Soul: Why Not Just Submit to a Vice

I have a theory about vices. Everyone has at least one and most of them can be quite harmless. The problem, in my opinion, that a vice can easily become an obsession.

A vice is a diversion from what is the norm. We all at different times, feel empty and we seek some form of satisfaction. The kind of vices I'm talking about is probably more like an overindulgence with food, smoking, alcohol. shopping, gambling or vanity, just to name a few.

I've noticed from my own experience of seeking pleasure in certain extravagant foods or one night of gambling, you usually come up short in the pleasure department. Earthly things do not feed the soul and never will, that emptiness we feel can only be filled with something that feeds the soul.

When we seek out that which does not nourish us inside we will only end up being unsatisfied. I've noticed that when you seek an obsession there is never a point where you are content, there's always the desire for more.

So what will feed the soul?

Kindness to Others: 

You watch people that help others and you can see a contentment in them. Kindness to others brings so many amazing aspects to our lives and to our souls. It is a dimensional gift to ourselves that has many levels of pleasure and fulfillment.

Connecting with Nature:

There is nothing more simple and fulfilling than to truly enjoy nature. Many of us breeze through landscapes, take a brisk walk through the woods but watch people who take a deep breath to enjoy a view. You will see contentment and the souls nourishment in real time.

Prayer and Your Higher Power:

I have experienced anxiety and depression fade with prayer. When you take  yourself away from yourself and concentrate on our higher power suddenly earthly things become small. Faith is the nourishment that soothes the anxious and feeds the spiritually starved.


Quiet allows us to experience our world outside of our bodies. The world is noisy, we are constantly bombarded by earthly things. Silence is the minds way to recharge and for the soul to find its perspective.


To achieve on our own terms allows us the pride to realize ourselves. We are given a glimpse of what truly fills us, I am not talking about success in monetary ways alone, instead I am talking about growing, learning and succeeding in whatever we choose is worthwhile.

What else feeds your soul? What have you found that can cure the feeling of being overwhelmed or the need to obsess over worldly things. What restores your soul?

Thursday, December 29, 2016

Beauty and Mystery of Faith: From Personal Experience

The First Misconception

Faith is not a wishing well. Believing and praying does not make a painless life. If you live on this earth, there will be pain; it is the cost of living. We live in a broken world full of free will and
worldly things.

I think it is a detriment to faith, the idea that if you pray you will succeed or your loved one will survive. I have learned that our path has many diversions. We have a plan but God has his own and believing doesn't make an easy path, there is unexplainable joy that eases some of the pain we experience.

My Story

Faith is an easy thing to profess when everything is going well. It's when things go wrong, when we lose loved ones, when we are frightened; that's when it is a powerful thing that we can actually feel working in us.

My dad died when I was only ten years old. Faith is what brought me and my family through. Our paths intersected with people in the church, my mom sang in the choir, we met two great friends that were there when we needed them. Through that sad time, we survived and we felt a joy you can only explain if you experience it.

Coincidence or Divine Intervention

Like most people, I have always had a fear of cancer, a fear of losing loved ones to an illness. I think my fears are more intense being an artist and having lost my dad so young.

Early in our relationship, my fiancé experienced a lump in her breast and at the time I had no tools to handle the situation in fact I made it worse. It was more about my fear and anxiety than hers. It all turned out well but I was soon to learn how to deal with my fears and lack of faith.

A divine intervention started with a kidney stone. It was a series of hospital visits and a procedure that brought me to a point of depression and anxiety. After a sleepless night and a day of missed work, I realized it was time to get help.

I have suffered from depression and anxiety from a very young age but have never missed a day of work or school since I was ten years old. It was time to talk to someone.

After several weeks of therapy, my counselor shared with me a story about a family member of hers who had cancer. She read me a letter and it was like someone else in the room was insisting I needed to hear it. She told me she didn't read it to everyone but felt she needed to read it to me.

The next day my wife had a cyst explode on her ovary. For the next twelve hours we spent in the emergency room I overheard words like biopsy and malignant but because of my recent divine intervention I stayed strong, I was faithful. Instead of it all being about my fears I was strong for my soon-to-be wife.

A Blessed Event

Soon after that frightening time and because of the cyst being removed, we had a child. A blessed event and an amazing time in both of our lives, a new house, new cars and we were living the American dream.

When our son was just two years old he had an intestinal interception. My wife and I watched as my very young child suffered through tubes up the nose, scary medical procedures and finally a surgery. It was a week we spent in the hospital with him where we all held our breaths and prayed.

He got through the procedure but in the next few months he would be back in the hospital for a blood infection which would turn out to be even more frightening than the previous stay. I remember holding this precious little guy in my arms, he was scared and I knew the nurses were on their way with a papoose, a medieval torture device, okay that's how it seemed to me.

I literally felt a lifting of both of us, as if we were momentarily brought out of that dark and scary place. We got through all the procedures and in that time I went to church and felt it like nourishment as I had never felt it before.

When my wife and I went through the darkest parts of our marriage, I knew God was with me, I wasn't happy in fact I was terrified most of the time but I got through with a peace I can barely explain. I was never alone through the whole process and as horrible as it was, I wouldn't trade it all for nothing as it made me who I am today.

The Body is Always Vulnerable: Faith Protects the Soul

I don't believe faith will bring exactly what you want but I do think it will equip you with what you truly need. In recent times I have felt great fear financially and it always seems the money and means comes, not when I think I need it but in his time. Faith isn't being always happy and okay, Faith is found in the darkest moments when instead of terror we feel peace, instead of anger or frustration we feel calm, instead of indifference we feel joy.

Flesh is always at the mercy of the elements, of ourselves, of time. The soul is the eternal and everlasting gift we have, take care of it and you will find miracles in the darkest times and than you will realize what faith is all about.